Dear Citizens of Foggy Bottom,
It is with a feeling of reticence that I write this letter but I find myself no longer able to sit idly by. So please excuse the bluntness of what I’m about to say, but there’s just no sugarcoating it.
So here it is:
Your Mayor is an asshole.
It’s true. Everybody knows it. And I know there’s that whole “an asshole can really get things done at City Hall, really cut through all the bullshit and red tape” school of thought but, come on, when will the mountain range of evidence to the contrary…
Disgraced Male Mogul Image Transformation, Inc, the industry’s top-rated agency, seeks walkers to join their roster in the exciting, fast-paced world of the mobility aid being used by the disgraced male mogul to make the public think they’re old, feeble, sickly and generally worthy of sympathy instead of vitriol and hate.
Are you a brand new walker or a gently used one between the ages of 0–3 years old? Are you out of work, collecting dust on a showroom floor, or underutilized by your current employer and only brought out for boring trips to the senior’s home cafeteria? Do you…